RELATIONSHIP TIPS
Resolving Conflicts
The key to managing conflict is always, always keep your eye on the prize. In other words, never lose sight of your goal. Too often we want a certain outcome but our behavior ensures we will get the direct opposite. To illustrate, let’s look at an example: Pretend you want your partner to spend more time with you. There are several things you could do to increase the chances of this happening. Some of these include:
· Plan a nice dinner and lovingly tell him/her how much you miss having time together.
· Schedule a romantic weekend away as a surprise.
· Focus on ways to show your partner how much you appreciate him/her.
However, instead of working in a logical fashion to achieve the goal, emotions tend to take over. This leads to behaviors that move you away from getting what you want. If you don’t keep your goal in mind, you are more likely to:
· Yell, blame, demand or ridicule your partner for not spending time with you.
· Act annoyed but deny that anything is wrong.
· Decrease your own availability to make a point.
· Refuse to ask for more time together because it doesn’t “count” if you have to tell him/her what you want.
Although conflict in relationships is inevitable. Resolving conflict becomes much easier if you evaluate what you are trying to achieve. Then, compare your goal to your behavior. Are your actions helping you reach the desired outcome? If not, adjust your plan of action!
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TEARS OF LOVE
I wonder why I can't find love. I am in love with my "supposed" boyfriend. When we met, he told me that he was in another relationship, but wasn't happy there. We got along just fine and I started developing feelings for him. Even at this stage I was not sure whether to tell him or not. Finally, I was bold enough to tell him this. A few days after, he came to tell me that his girlfriend was in town. I was weak and scared. He told me not to come to visit and that he'll call me when she is gone. My heart broke and I cried and cried. Well there wasn't anything I could have done, because I knew he had another. Now that he is back, things are not the same anymore. I don't get all excited, and worse still, he now finds faults in everything I do. I feel lost. I know I don't feel the same way for him, but I am still sticking around. I don't know if it will get better or worse. Or, what my true feelings are? (Author unknown)
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