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| Top Five Ways to Meet the Man You'll Marry
By dating coach Carol Allen If you're fabulous, single, and utterly mystified by your ongoing solo status, it may be time to "work smarter, not harder" at meeting the right man for you. Many otherwise bright and successful women find that this part of their lives hasn't magically worked out like they expected. Upon closer examination, it becomes clear that they haven't taken advantage of the best ways to meet single men -- usually for no other reason than they simply didn't know better. Although these suggestions may sound obvious, if you're still single and don't want to be, chances are you haven't realized what you can do, or haven't made enough of an effort. So here goes! The five best ways to meet the man of your dreams: 1. Spending Time With Other Single Women. An active social life with other single women has been statistically found to be the top way that women meet their husbands. Why? Women LOVE love, and when we find a "live one" that's not right for us, we can't wait to hook him up with one of our gal pals. For this reason, studies show women are far more likely to play matchmaker and host social events such as dinner parties and brunches with the intention of creating romantic possibilities for their friends. Men don't so much think this way: even if they don't want a woman, they don't necessarily want anyone else to have her, either! (Think of that old Chris Rock routine about men keeping women around just in case, "'Cuz ya never know...") Singles are also more likely to know other singles. So, if all your friends are married, it's time to get some single friends. 2. Using Work Connections. Think about it: this is where most people spend the majority of their time and interaction with others, dressed their best and at the height of their energy of the day. So, while it's not necessarily smart to date a coworker (especially your boss!), if you're in a female-dominated or antisocial field in which you rarely meet husband material, you may want to consider a new, more "mantastic" career path. If you absolutely love being a knitting teacher or can't imagine leaving your lonely park ranger station, then you definitely need to ramp up your efforts in categories 1, 3, 4, and 5. 3. Hobnobbing in the Group He Belongs in. Think of the kind of man you'd like. Where would he go? Then join groups in which you'll have multiple opportunities to meet men of that kind. The great thing about ongoing participation in groups is just that: unlike an event in which you only have one chance to cross that crowded room to meet the hot guy who's caught your eye, when you're in a group together you have multiple opportunities to interact. You can also watch him over time to see if he's a good person; you can get to know about him through others in the group; and you already have shared community and things in common, creating an emotional "shorthand" when you do connect. So, you want a sporty man? Join a gym or triathlon team. A rich man? Join a country club or charity organization. An artsy man? Get season tickets to the symphony and learn how to work the lobby at intermission. 4. Exploring Your Neighborhood. Chance encounters at your nearby public places or events are an excellent way to meet single men, so think about where you live. Does it have the right demographic for you? If you're in a university town made up of mostly college kids and you're over 30, or a quiet suburban community in which every man you see is on his way to pick up his kids from soccer, then it may be time to move. Or, at the very least you can drive to a coffee shop, dog park, or farmer's market with better options. And here comes the hard part: you have to actually say hello and smile at men. It's not enough to be behind them in line at Starbucks. If you're on your cell phone or BlackBerry, or standing with your arms crossed and your gaze averted, he'll never turn around and say hello because he won't want to bother you. So, while you may think it's feminine to make a man work that hard, you'll never meet anyone that way -- no matter where you live! 5. Finding Love Online. By far the biggest boon to a single's odds of finding love is online dating. In fact, you can forget all about suggestions 1 through 4 above and have better luck online. Here's why. The sheer numbers of singles who are "on the superhighway of love" is far greater than what you'd possibly meet through chance encounters, no matter how outgoing and friendly you are. At your own pace, you can prescreen potential mates by searching for ones with your desired qualities and life circumstances (such as geographic location, religion, lifestyle) before you even meet them. You can communicate with singles in a safe, anonymous way until you feel ready and comfortable to take things to the next level. Like anything worth doing, it can take some time and effort, but you owe it to yourself to give it a shot. Or (as the case may be) another shot. So what are you waiting for? Subscribe to an online dating service today -- and one day, you might find yourself writing your own online dating success story. Now, if you're rolling your eyes and thinking that you've tried all of the above, remember what I said at the top: chances are you haven't made enough of an effort. The keyword here is "enough." If you're still single and don't want to be, then you need to keep doing all you can until you find the mate for you. Because when you do, you -- and your mate -- will be so glad you did. Back to articles >> |